Who am I kidding, really? I'm just... really not okay. I don't understand; I want to. I feel like... aw, hell, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know why I'm even posting this. I guess I just need to get some shit off my chest.
1) I don't want to quit. I probably won't to be totally honest. It's something I enjoy.
2) "Those" thoughts are coming back again..., and I don't know how to tell anyone. I don't want to be around anymore. I want to go away. Nothing seems to make me all that happy anymore, and it seems that when I'm around others, I forget. When I'm alone, I remember. I think about far too much, and it reminds me that I can't do it. "It" as in anything I want to accomplish in life.
3) Everyone has someone anymore. I see people happy together; good friends are finding good partners. I'm happy for them..., but at the same time... I find myself jealous. I almost just don't want to see it anymore. To an extent, it upsets me. I wonder what I did to deserve the big "Fuck You" from that goddamn cherub in the diaper. Will it even matter if I lose weight or change my appearance? Probably not. What's the point?
Again, I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't give a damn if anyone reads my shit. I do it for me, not for an audience. The only place I've ever been able to fully express myself is through writing.
1) I don't want to quit. I probably won't to be totally honest. It's something I enjoy.
2) "Those" thoughts are coming back again..., and I don't know how to tell anyone. I don't want to be around anymore. I want to go away. Nothing seems to make me all that happy anymore, and it seems that when I'm around others, I forget. When I'm alone, I remember. I think about far too much, and it reminds me that I can't do it. "It" as in anything I want to accomplish in life.
3) Everyone has someone anymore. I see people happy together; good friends are finding good partners. I'm happy for them..., but at the same time... I find myself jealous. I almost just don't want to see it anymore. To an extent, it upsets me. I wonder what I did to deserve the big "Fuck You" from that goddamn cherub in the diaper. Will it even matter if I lose weight or change my appearance? Probably not. What's the point?
Again, I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't give a damn if anyone reads my shit. I do it for me, not for an audience. The only place I've ever been able to fully express myself is through writing.
