Letter One: Dear Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

I really don't know how to even begin. We've only been close for a year or two now, but it's been the best two years of my life. You've always been there to listen to be whine and cry, and you always know what to say. You may not always believe in yourself, and you may have your problems, but you're perfect the way you are. Don't change. You don't know how much you mean to me, and I'm excited to see you in less than 24 hours.

Love,
God :3

30 Letters

Letter 1 — Your best friend

Letter 2 — Your crush

Letter 3 — Your parents

Letter 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)

Letter 5 — Your dreams

Letter 6 — A stranger

Letter 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Letter 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Letter 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Letter 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Letter 15 — The person you miss the most

Letter 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood

Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Letter 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Letter 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Letter 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Letter 23 — The last person you kissed

Letter 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Letter 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Letter 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Letter 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Letter 28 — Someone that changed your life

Letter 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Letter 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Why?

Why are people always so ignorant? Why are people so un-accepting? Your son's a good kid; he always has been. What does it matter if he's attracted to guys? That doesn't make the person. Your religion shouldn't define your views of your son. You're usually so loving and accepting. It's different now just because he's not as attracted to women? That's bullshit. Total bullshit. Ignore your religion and your god, and please listen to your son. He's hurting because YOU don't understand. He's crying, and you can't see his tears, much less imagine them. Please... I'm asking you to accept your son, because everyone else does. Love him for who he is, not for what god says he has to be.

Nostalgia Blows

I like just watched a bunch of old videos from eighth grade, and I find myself really missing those days. Everyone was... together then. We were all so close? What happened? We split into different groups, defined by high school stereotypes and nasty break-ups. Some are on opposing sides, while others are caught in the middle. Where did the fun go? Does the fun die as our childhood does? I don't understand. I know growing up is suppose to be difficult, but why does it have to be like this? Our aging should mean maturity, not fighting, ignorance and dead friendships. It makes no sense. I want things to be normal, to feel right again.

Things. Are not. Okay.

Who am I kidding, really? I'm just... really not okay. I don't understand; I want to. I feel like... aw, hell, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know why I'm even posting this. I guess I just need to get some shit off my chest.

1) I don't want to quit. I probably won't to be totally honest. It's something I enjoy.

2) "Those" thoughts are coming back again..., and I don't know how to tell anyone. I don't want to be around anymore. I want to go away. Nothing seems to make me all that happy anymore, and it seems that when I'm around others, I forget. When I'm alone, I remember. I think about far too much, and it reminds me that I can't do it. "It" as in anything I want to accomplish in life.

3) Everyone has someone anymore. I see people happy together; good friends are finding good partners. I'm happy for them..., but at the same time... I find myself jealous. I almost just don't want to see it anymore. To an extent, it upsets me. I wonder what I did to deserve the big "Fuck You" from that goddamn cherub in the diaper. Will it even matter if I lose weight or change my appearance? Probably not. What's the point?


Again, I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't give a damn if anyone reads my shit. I do it for me, not for an audience. The only place I've ever been able to fully express myself is through writing.

Dear "Best Friend",

We haven't spoken in over a month, and I really don't understand why. I ask you what's on your mind, and you say nothing's bothering you. I want you to be honest: did I piss you off somehow? Or can you just not handle that I'm leaving? Why do you ignore me now, even when we're for sure peacin' out to Texas, quite possibly right after school is out? What did I do? Clarify, ... please. This isn't how I want our close friendship to end. We've known one and other since kindergarten. You can talk to me. Though I don't know much about you, I love you like a sister. I want us to stay friends. I want you to come down and see me in Texas. I just don't want our closeness to go down the drain. 

Please, let's fix this. 

-Godselitto <3

Well fuck you, too. (RANT AHEAD)

[Heads up, this will be pretty vulgar and angry. This person hurt me, and I just need to vent some is all. Again, sorry. I hope no one gets to offended. It's not meant for you guys anyway.]

Dear A**x******,

Twice. I find you've lied to me at least twice.

First: 'Relationships are too hard for me; I'll just go back to being a whore.'

Second, which I found out from a close friend: 'I'm just not into girls'. 

FUCK YOU TOO. I left someone I'd been with for over a year combined to be dumped after three days and lied to. Great. I hear now you're dating some freshman girl? I see something that's likely proof in her goddamn notes, too. I'm still bitter about this obviously, but maybe I'd still like to be friends if you'd put your big girl panties on and give me the truth. I tried to make you happy and make you smile since we'd met, even before we'd liked one and other. I've tried to be there for you, even when you said something that totally killed my self esteem, and talk you down from hysterical fits. And this is what I get? Awesome.

I wanted to be the great girlfriend/boyfriend you never got to have; be the loving one you said you weren't used to. Guess who never gave me a chance? Guess who didn't respect me enough to even call me to break it off? Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on. I'll be waitin' in hell with a pair of brass knuckles and Satan's pitchfork.

Suck my dick,
God

Day VII: Your Zodiac Sign; Does it fit you?

Imma Sagittarius..., and from what I've heard, it does suit me. Hot-headed, element fire, blah blah. I dun care. I'm too lazy to go look it up. XD

Day VI: Write 30 Interesting Facts About Yourself

Uno) I love studying religion despite hating it so much.

Dos) I LOVE kitties; I squee like a small child when I see them. :D

Tres) I seem like a heartless sort of person, but I'm usually a pretty sympathetic person.

Cuatro) I love learning about different languages and random things that probably don't have much purpose.

Cinco) Russian and Italian: My two favorite languages.

Seis) I hate physics and some subjects of biology, but I want to go into medicine.

Siete) Me gusta la clase de Espanol (Pardon the lack of enye. XD).

Ocho) Writing is something I do often. It helps me release frustration and takes any free time I can't find use for.

Nueve) I was a prick as a small child. Very naive and judgmental. I do everything I can to try and change that.

Diez) I almost have a... phobia.. of driving. I'm constantly paranoid over people driving too close behind or beside me, and I flip out a lot.

Once) I have horrible road rage.

Doce) I swear enough to make a sailor cry.

Trece) I am a major smartass and speak sarcasm fluently.

Catorce) Yes, I'm going to write out all of these numbers in Spanish.

Cince) I put things in my characters that I wish I could/can do, and I put little pieces of me them.

Dieciseis) Music is 70% of my life. There's hardly a time when I'm not listening to it or playing it.

Diecisiete) I get really frustrated when I screw up or make someone mad (ie. at work, school, ect.)

Dieciocho) I pretend not to care about most things or get offended by them, but it's likely that they do hurt or offend me.

Diecinueve) I love the late night/early morning. It's so calm and quiet, and there's no one around to piss me off. x3

Veinte) I love the semi-colon. ;-;

Veintiuno) It pisses me off when people in Spanish still pronounce stupid things wrong despite being in SEMESTER TWO of Spanish I.

Veintidos) Using Roman Numerals in place of numbers makes me feel cool. :D

Veintitres) Emote smileys using letters/numbers/punctuation marks on the keyboard amuse me and make the tone in the text more apparent. ^-^

Veinticuatro) If I'm not using emote smileys, I'm pissed, upset, or being serious.

Veinticinco) Despite being an atheist, I still struggle with the existence of religious entities.

Veintiseis) I love swearing in foreign languages. >:3

Veintisiete) French really pisses me off for some reason. O.o

Veintiocho) I'm lazy and have trouble forcing myself to do tasks I find pointless or dislike.

Veintinueve) I REALLY want to get off of service at work, and want to move on to production.

Trenta) I'm glad this blog post is done. It was a pain in my ass to come up with 30 facts. x.x

Day V: A Time When You Thought About Ending Your Own Life

... Struggling with depression and other lovely things, I've had plenty of these moments. I can't really specify one time, nor do I want to. There have been plenty of those moments, though, even after starting treatment to get me mentally stable.

Day IV: Your Views on Religion

WARNING: For those of you that are offended by certain perspectives on religion, proceed with caution. I am not very nice when it comes to this subject.

Religion... What do I think of it? Hmmm... Let's just say I despite it with every part of my being. Or rather, I despite Christianity with every part of my being. Rationally speaking, I do realize that there are some good things brought about by this devil-born belief, but I have a severe personal bias due to experiencing primarily the negative, annoying, Christ-cramming side of it.'Non-believer' was the most common I got, even back in 8th grade. ... I'm just done with religion in general. I'm an atheist with anti-theist qualities. Think of how much war religion causes? More men die in the name of their god than anything else. It just pisses me off. Fuck religion.

However, I do understand it has helped some change and gave hope to the hopeless. Good for them. I hope it continues to bring the good fortune. Let's hope it doesn't come to committing crimes, saying 'God told me to do it'.

Day III: Your Views on Drugs and Alcohol

Eh, well, to each their own I suppose. Of course, using in excess is never a good thing..., and honestly, I can't say I personally approve of the harder shit (cocaine, heroine, ect.), but a bit of weed isn't that bad. Comparatively, it's nothing next to the aforementioned drugs. I actually find myself attracted to the smell of cigarette smoke, so eh. Like I said, to each their own. You can't stop someone from doing something unless they want to stop too. 

Day II: Where would you like to be in 10 years?

I know I didn't keep up with this... my bad. XD I'll just catch up to day five and start tomorrow for real.

In ten years, I'd like to be getting a medical degree. Or start on my residency, depending on the current time frame and when I start medical school. I'm planning on a specialty... pathology or something. Sounds like fun. :D Maybe be in a stable relationship with a nice girl and working toward a nice house. The sort of typical thing you'd expect for someone. I want to lose weight, which I will get on eventually. Hopefully, I'll be out of Missouri too. ... Texas, I'm hoping! Hook 'em Horns, muthafuckas! :DD

Day 01

Current relationship status: Single

Honestly, right now, I wish I wasn't single..., but, I just haven't found a girl that I really have a connection with yet. Or guy, I guess..., but I just don't feel as though I'm one for male companionship, if you catch my drift. XD It's just that none of the girls at school that do bat for the other team, so to say, seem like the type I would pursue. And the one I did... well, I'm still pissed about the way that one turned out. I need to just wait patiently, I suppose. It's not like I'll die if I'm not in a relationship. I just wanna find someone, you know? Someone that can handle all that is me. Someone that can handle the temper, the crazy, the swift-shifting moods; handle the good and the bad.

I janked it from Katie Glenn, who janked it from Grace, and so on. XD

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.