Letter One: Dear Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

I really don't know how to even begin. We've only been close for a year or two now, but it's been the best two years of my life. You've always been there to listen to be whine and cry, and you always know what to say. You may not always believe in yourself, and you may have your problems, but you're perfect the way you are. Don't change. You don't know how much you mean to me, and I'm excited to see you in less than 24 hours.

Love,
God :3

30 Letters

Letter 1 — Your best friend

Letter 2 — Your crush

Letter 3 — Your parents

Letter 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)

Letter 5 — Your dreams

Letter 6 — A stranger

Letter 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Letter 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Letter 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Letter 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Letter 15 — The person you miss the most

Letter 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood

Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Letter 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Letter 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Letter 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Letter 23 — The last person you kissed

Letter 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Letter 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Letter 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Letter 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Letter 28 — Someone that changed your life

Letter 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Letter 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Why?

Why are people always so ignorant? Why are people so un-accepting? Your son's a good kid; he always has been. What does it matter if he's attracted to guys? That doesn't make the person. Your religion shouldn't define your views of your son. You're usually so loving and accepting. It's different now just because he's not as attracted to women? That's bullshit. Total bullshit. Ignore your religion and your god, and please listen to your son. He's hurting because YOU don't understand. He's crying, and you can't see his tears, much less imagine them. Please... I'm asking you to accept your son, because everyone else does. Love him for who he is, not for what god says he has to be.

Nostalgia Blows

I like just watched a bunch of old videos from eighth grade, and I find myself really missing those days. Everyone was... together then. We were all so close? What happened? We split into different groups, defined by high school stereotypes and nasty break-ups. Some are on opposing sides, while others are caught in the middle. Where did the fun go? Does the fun die as our childhood does? I don't understand. I know growing up is suppose to be difficult, but why does it have to be like this? Our aging should mean maturity, not fighting, ignorance and dead friendships. It makes no sense. I want things to be normal, to feel right again.

Things. Are not. Okay.

Who am I kidding, really? I'm just... really not okay. I don't understand; I want to. I feel like... aw, hell, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know why I'm even posting this. I guess I just need to get some shit off my chest.

1) I don't want to quit. I probably won't to be totally honest. It's something I enjoy.

2) "Those" thoughts are coming back again..., and I don't know how to tell anyone. I don't want to be around anymore. I want to go away. Nothing seems to make me all that happy anymore, and it seems that when I'm around others, I forget. When I'm alone, I remember. I think about far too much, and it reminds me that I can't do it. "It" as in anything I want to accomplish in life.

3) Everyone has someone anymore. I see people happy together; good friends are finding good partners. I'm happy for them..., but at the same time... I find myself jealous. I almost just don't want to see it anymore. To an extent, it upsets me. I wonder what I did to deserve the big "Fuck You" from that goddamn cherub in the diaper. Will it even matter if I lose weight or change my appearance? Probably not. What's the point?


Again, I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't give a damn if anyone reads my shit. I do it for me, not for an audience. The only place I've ever been able to fully express myself is through writing.

Dear "Best Friend",

We haven't spoken in over a month, and I really don't understand why. I ask you what's on your mind, and you say nothing's bothering you. I want you to be honest: did I piss you off somehow? Or can you just not handle that I'm leaving? Why do you ignore me now, even when we're for sure peacin' out to Texas, quite possibly right after school is out? What did I do? Clarify, ... please. This isn't how I want our close friendship to end. We've known one and other since kindergarten. You can talk to me. Though I don't know much about you, I love you like a sister. I want us to stay friends. I want you to come down and see me in Texas. I just don't want our closeness to go down the drain. 

Please, let's fix this. 

-Godselitto <3

Well fuck you, too. (RANT AHEAD)

[Heads up, this will be pretty vulgar and angry. This person hurt me, and I just need to vent some is all. Again, sorry. I hope no one gets to offended. It's not meant for you guys anyway.]

Dear A**x******,

Twice. I find you've lied to me at least twice.

First: 'Relationships are too hard for me; I'll just go back to being a whore.'

Second, which I found out from a close friend: 'I'm just not into girls'. 

FUCK YOU TOO. I left someone I'd been with for over a year combined to be dumped after three days and lied to. Great. I hear now you're dating some freshman girl? I see something that's likely proof in her goddamn notes, too. I'm still bitter about this obviously, but maybe I'd still like to be friends if you'd put your big girl panties on and give me the truth. I tried to make you happy and make you smile since we'd met, even before we'd liked one and other. I've tried to be there for you, even when you said something that totally killed my self esteem, and talk you down from hysterical fits. And this is what I get? Awesome.

I wanted to be the great girlfriend/boyfriend you never got to have; be the loving one you said you weren't used to. Guess who never gave me a chance? Guess who didn't respect me enough to even call me to break it off? Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on. I'll be waitin' in hell with a pair of brass knuckles and Satan's pitchfork.

Suck my dick,
God